the life we are currently leading...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's a long time since I last blogged.

Today marks the end of O levels.

I have a lot of spare time now. Too much time in fact.

But I don't have a lot of stuff to do.

Firstly I don't think I will be able to do the stuff that I want.

I cleared everything today. Well, most of it.

After that incident, everyday before I sleep I will pray to God, to grant me 4 wishes.

1 for my studies, the rest for love.

Today, only 1 of the thing that I wished for is granted.

But the other 2 is not granted.

You said you think you don't like him, then you say you think you like him.

Then I asked about me, and you said don't know, then you said you think you don't like me.

Feels something like Clickfive's Jenny lyrics.

You said you don't think I should like you anymore, and fall for another better girl instead. You say that I am a good guy, but I shouldn't like you anymore, because you don't want to go into a relationship, because its very troublesome, having to think for other half everything you do.

And you don't want me to waste my time waiting, if in the end you found someone you like, I will be devastated.

The problem is, if it's so easy I would have done that long ago.

Why the heck should I, wait for 8 months plus, just to know the answer, 'Yes' or 'No'.

I feel that you are the best for me. My feelings for you hasn't changed since Day 1.

It's still going strong as ever.

And if we do things like couples do, you said it will give me false hope.

So you prefer we stay as normal friends.

And all the things I thought, seems to be just part of my amazing imagination. All along I thought you had feelings, but maybe I am too assuming and confident of myself. Thought too much maybe.

Then you said if you are finally ready for a relationship, you will call me and see if I still like you. If yes, good, if no then too bad.

Seriously I think that's going to take very long. 5 years? A decade maybe.

By then I think I would have died.

I haven't really cried for anyone that much. Except during kindergarten when my teacher refused to give me an A.

There are 3 groups of people who I will cry for. My parents, grandparents. The third one is you.

I seriously don't know what to do. I want to live in denial.

I really hope that you will come to me and say you were testing me all along. Maybe I will be angry at first, then after that is 甜蜜蜜

Now it fucking sucks. After we broke, the day after, I didn't have any motivation anymore. I don't want to go to school, I don't feel like studying.

Then I decided to wait. And that gives me the energy to go through each day.

Because I really believe that in the end we will end up back together.

I feel like a lifeless shell. My soul has been sucked out of me.

I seriously don't know what to do. Now with only academic results to worry for, all I think about is you.

I don't know to give up, or wait and hopefully one day you will call me.

Because I cannot possibly give up, since that place in my heart has been taken by you, and I live to close to you, it's impossible not to meet each other.

Like for example, these few days you took the same train as me. Even my mum recognised you, and showed me by pointing towards you.

If I give up, which I don't want, it will be damn sad. Part of me is gone. I fallen too deep and I can't give up.

Now, I am taking things step by step. I still hope everything will be positive in the end.

Now I am waiting for revival. Till then.