「 invaded it on 12:44 PM 」

Yesterday I thought everything was fine.

You explained, I called you, and we talked for 46 minutes.

I was very happy. I don't know if you were.

I thought finally, everything was cleared and nothing will happen already.

And you seemed comfortable, we crapped and laughed, and you even teased me, "did you do that purposely..."

I heard that.

And you even called your brother to talk to me. Even though he only said a hello.

Normally if there isn't a level of interest, or if there isn't a certain degree of comfortableness, no sane person would call one of their family to talk to another person on the phone.

Or so I thought.

She came and find me, I told her yes, and I told her everything was cleared.

And you said you explained to her, and to forget what she said.

So I thought it was okay then.

I smsed if you're back home yet, because you said you were going school at such a late timing, and I was worried.

Then I went to bathe. And I got the call.

I explained myself.

Okay, the funeral thing was one reason. Another reason, was simply to try and see you.

Obviously if you like a person, you will want to see her every time, I thought by walking the same route as you do I will be able to do that.

Apparently it was working. Because out of like 5 days, at least 3 times I saw you on the way.

Or maybe it had worked too well?

Until the extent where you said you don't want me to stalk you.

Stalk? A stalk of celery you mean?

We live at the same estate, opposite blocks, obviously meeting would be a coincidence? Sometimes I can even see someone, who obviously like you, walk towards your house like nothing happened? I don't want to name names, but you should get who I mean.

Obviously one time where you walk out of the lift I jumped out and said hello? I am not those kind who loiters around HDB blocks waiting to scare people.

Its purely a coincidence. My mum and brother were also walking to school using the same way.

And I didn't went down especially early. I just went at my normal time.

I thought I explained everything. Then maybe because of that fucking sms and you thought I had cared too much.

And you said you were uncomfortable.

Then you found her to explain stuff to me. Why not explain yourself? We talked for 3/4 of an hour and you said you were shy.

Then you said you don't want me to stalk you. In the first place, I am not stalking you.

If I were really stalking do you think, by telling a pervert not to stalk, he will stop it?

Not saying I am a pervert, but you get the idea.

Maybe I am too fierce in pursuing, and you got scared.

But anyway you still said, "Now no, after O levels no." We can still be friends. But you say we cannot be a couple. That's what you feel now though, and maybe that will change in future but you aren't sure.

All along I thought you had feel. Then on Saturday I asked another one of your friend, and she said "to be frank she doesn't have any feel for you".

I thought, maybe I should ask you myself. Or observe. Then Sunday we talked. And I thought your friend might be wrong, because she doesn't seem really sure. And she asked if you were giving me false hope, and if I feel that you have feel for me.

And I thought I can confirm the latter. Well now I don't know.

And while you say that sentence I can hear that you were like, smiling and saying it at the same time.

Is it shy or what. This kinds of things, shy for what?

Its like you are not treating it seriously. Is it for fun, a prank? As someone said, its like if you think this is fun then you should go and die.

Yesterday was well, today was terrible. Yesterday, I flew up to heaven from hell, and while I am still mid air, you took a baseball bat and hit me back to hell.

I don't know what she said to you. Maybe the time when she was with you, you took her words and believed in those so called conspiracy theories.

Talking about conspiracy theories, I have a lot with me. One example is that, you have been playing with me, or using me to agitate someone, or blah.

If I ever think about these, I think I will get damn emo and commit suicide?

Best thing is to clear out face to face. Or telephone to telephone. You did, but there we had to communicate through a medium.

Hopefully one day we can trash things out. I don't know how you can have a 360 degrees turn, being sweet on one day and turning heartless less than 24 hours later.

I don't know if you are too scared of me, that you want to drop a bomb on me to make me stop doing those stuff.

The problem is that, sometimes its just coincidental, and sometimes its because I really cared.

Or is she just telling you the stuff that you should do, and not what you really wanted? Because it seems to me that, either she's very influential or that you are easily swayed, taken in by her words.

Maybe you are scared of me, and she tried the extremist method of rejecting me, to let me stop doing those.

Or are you trying to test my endurance? Or is it a prank? Or is it a ploy to keep me focused, because you were scared that I might lose focus on studies?

See, conspiracy theories. Sometimes we tend to look at the "deeper" meaning, and not on the surface. If I had look at those deeper meanings, I would have jumped. Because there are damn lot of outcomes.

I cried. I totally, don't know what you are thinking. One moment, everything was alright, then after that direct rejection.

Seriously, what the fuck is this. I told him, and he was, equally shocked. Another one was speechless.

But both told me to concentrate on studies. Like omfg, how do I concentrate now? Just now when I was doing the Biology paper, I did until I cried.

One pile of shit after another. Great. Now I think I am buried deeply.

Confusing. I don't know if I should take what you said, because it will hurt too much. On the other hand if I don't accept it then I will think a lot.

Maybe one day I shall wait till we are free, and clear out everything. Because I have so many doubts here and there.

Maybe after the last heart to heart talk, I will completely give up.

But till then, I am weighing my options. Because I am simply in a state of shock, and I don't really know what to do.

But the logical thing is to complete O's.

After that I don't know what will happen. It sucks, to be left hanging like a thread. Because it's you will feel insecurity.

Maybe I am going to wait. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Well, if you see this, hopefully you will understand everything, and clear up the supposedly misunderstanding. If not, there's nothing I can do too.

I didn't know one fucking sms can screw up everything. It's so damn tiring to have one problem after another.

If you are testing my endurance, my love, or anything, I think you had done that very well.

I seriously feel that we are an unfinished article.

I just changed my blog song, accordingly to my feelings. Listen to the lyrics, its the perfect song.

「 invaded it on 9:30 PM 」

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Erm my prelim results are back.

My E maths improved from a B3 to an A2, while my A maths jumped from c5 to A2.

So that means 2 distinctions for maths :D

My chem improved from D7 to C5, Biology d7 to C6. I failed both during prelim one, because of those damn moderations.

My Higher Chinese increased from a C6 to B3.

These are the positives.

My English dropped a grade, from A2 to B3

My Geography is surprisingly better than combined humans. But my Geography dropped from a B3 to an C5. My combined humans was C6.

I think I am going to poly, so my L1R4 should be 17, including a B3 in English.

Seriously 17 points is going to get me a job in the city area, like Shenton Way, maybe as a toilet cleaner.

Then I shall clear up peoples' pee and make the toilet SPAKRING KLEAN.

I calculated my best results over the past 2 years.

A2 for English (prelim 1)
A2 for E maths (prelim 2)
A2 for A maths (prelim 2)
A2 for Chemistry (sec 3 EOY)
A1 for Geography (sec 3 EOY)

So its bloody 9 points for L1R4. God knows if I am gonna make it.

But I won't care now. I am going to pia books for the rest of the time I left, and hopefully I can do well.

Hopefully I do my part, and I will get what I want.

These few days have been, well shitty. When my day is shitty, its never about results, its never about money or food. Although I like food and I ask what Fattyfel eats every lunch.

Have I been thinking too much?

I don't know now. Seriously I am getting very vexed and especially fucked up on Thursday. Maybe Wednesday wasn't to my liking as well. Anyway I think I forget which day I am pissed, but anyway its either Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.

After all that stuff, obviously that shouldn't be happening. At least I thought, I wouldn't do that if I had been told of those stuff. You do that to me, but not him.

And I saw some stuff that made me wonder. Heard stuff too.

But I don't get why so many calls and smses are not replied. And 2 were picked up by other people.

No reply no nothing.

In fact I think this is a huge farce. Is it a bloody big test? But even if this is a well worked out plot there are also positive and negative sides of it.

Some told me to be careful. Some told me to stop. Some told me to go for it. Some said I am gullible, and I trust too easily. Its either I die terribly, or I succeed like hell. I hope its the latter.

I don't like liars. I want confirmation and assurance.

Until that happens, I will be in a very insecure situation where everything just sucks.

I am sensitive, I am pessimistic, and I think anyhow. I rather prepare myself for disappointment, if its positive maybe I will be happy until I jump and hit the ceiling, if its bad I might jump.

Joking. I mean, I will not be so disappointed since I have already so called, "expected" what will happen.

But every time things will turn out better, maybe partly because I had thought too pessimistically.

I hope this time everything will be alright.

I talked to TBT. What he said enlightened me, and we are pretty much on the same boat. Maybe Derek too.

So now I am gonna concentrate on my studies, and pia for O levels. I don't wanna wash toilet bowls.

I am not going to do anything. However if you smile at me, I will still smile back. If you look at me I will still look at you. If you talk to me I will still talk to you.

Right now I am a bit tired of thinking too much. I am gonna think of organic compounds, electrolysis, Human Geography, and maybe reproduction in man. Okay just joking.

Until O levels are over I am not doing anything.

I had thought it over. First priority is studies.

I prayed to God to hope for everything is alright and well. Hopefully he can grant what I asked for. Hopefully in future I may think that this is laughable, for I had thought too much.

I don't know why I am praying to God, but well.

Now I have 9 wives. Chem, Biology, A maths, E maths, History Elective, Geography, English, Higher Chinese, Social Studies.

I am gonna concentrate on them. No distractions for the final lap.

Maybe after that I will be free, and I can do whatever I like.

So now I am going to stay at the school library to revise my work, and pia books everyday.

My life from now onwards will be about books. Till then, I have to believe.

P.S Walao I had to hold on to my pee to type out this inspirational post.

「 invaded it on 8:45 PM 」

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I just went to my grandparents' house today.

Today is a bit special because I went with my dad today.

How is it special? Well frankly speaking I am not very close to my dad. I don't talk to him, he don't talk to me. And after changing his job to a taxi driver this year, the interaction is even lower than ever.

Because, when I go home, he will be out, and when he reaches home at around 2am or 3am I will be sleeping.

Then when I leave home at around 6.55am he will be sleeping.

So today I decided to go to my grandparents' house, and coincidentally he also wanted to go.

Every time journey takes around one and a half hours. But today was different as my dad had a motorcycle and he could fetch me.

The pros is that we will only need half an hour, but the cons is that my hair will be messed up and flatten because of the helmet, and I will not look shuai anymore.

Anyway when we reached I saw that my grandmother was skinny and weak. Before the operation she was quite chubby and bubbly. I told her that she 瘦了很多, and she said that she's better now as she had gained quite a lot of weight.

The previous time she had a severe stomachache, and was sent to the hospital to remove something from her intestine/stomach/whatever.

My grandfather is okay though.

Anyway we stayed for quite some time before going home. Then on the way back, my dad suddenly asked, "你懂要怎样回去吗？"

I said no. Then he began to explain how to go back, something like taking the TPE, then blah blah blah.

I was trying to concentrate but, as his head was turning back and his mouth was facing the side. While he spoke, the saliva all came splattering onto my face.

Initially I thought I was so suay, kena birdshit while on a motorbike. But luckily when I lick my lips I didn't taste anything bad.

Heng. If not it is so damn xia suay.

Anyway we have around 1 month to O' level now. All of a sudden time seemed short. 1 month and we will be thrown into action.

We will be in hell for about a month or so. Then we will break free. Hopefully come next year when I get my results I won't be crying sadly, but with joy.

Amen.

「 invaded it on 10:26 PM 」

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Its the Geography Paper 2 today.

I have to say, I think I am back in the embrace of Ms Ong LH and P.Goh.

Because Geography was totally sucky. I thought screwing up paper 1 was terrible enough, but I also screwed up paper 2.

After friday's basketball at the Sun Plaza court, I have totally no mood to study.

Saturday I took out my Human Geography textbook, and tried to study.

I memorised the points, and flipped to the next page.

And at the next page I tried to recall the points I memorised the previous page.

I realised I forgot every single thing.

I thought its because its Saturday, and I need some time to adapt to the mugging mode.

But come Sunday I was also facing the same problem.

My way of studying is weird, I will be online, and playing songs, while I lie on my bed and study.

Once in a while I will go back to the computer to take a short break, before continuing again.

But yesterday I was totally glued to the computer. Like omfg.

I had to resort to writing down points and finally I could barely memorise them.

I have this mindset that the exams are over. Although by today, there's Chemistry and Biology MCQ left.

I think its because of Friday's basketball that made me lose focus.

Hopefully now I can concentrate. The last 2 papers, the last lap.

Then we can slack for the week. Before pia-ing for O levels.

Or maybe we won't even slack.

But the one thing that I am going to do is to play basketball after the papers. Long time no sports makes me grow fat.

And I had a haircut today. Now my head has lighten considerably.

COMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEON

「 invaded it on 3:12 PM 」

Now I know what the fuck is going on.

I know I have been telling some stuff about myself, and about Cheryl.

Apparently there's some fucktards spreading untrue stuff. Like she asking me to wait for her after O levels.

I never say that. I clarify that everything is untrue.

I said some stuff, but certainly not her asking me to wait for her.

The waiting stuff, is because I am a 痴情的男人, so I decided to do that.

No strings attached whatever.

So I feel that by clarifying this thing, and posting it on my blog would make it simpler for you guys.

If you have anything, come to my blog, and see this post. 100% truth, I swear upon Jesus Christ.

Seriously if I ever get wind of who said those untrue stuff, you are seriously gonna die.

Feel my wrath.

「 invaded it on 8:49 PM 」

This afternoon when my dad asked me to fetch my mother home, I was quite puzzled.

Since my dad is going to fetch her home, and a mere distance, like walking alone across the short void deck wouldn't kill.

Or so I thought.

Just now I got a call from my dad. I went down, and brought my mum home. I saw her face, tired and worn.

As I walk closer I saw that her eyes were wet with tears. I got a shock.

I asked what happened. The only thing she did was wave her left hand, as her right chest was being operated on.

In the lift I asked if she's okay. She replied, "很痛"

Now there's nothing funny in her tone. No "Wang Yue Gu's face is weird" whatever.

I just cooked fish porridge for her. Now she's resting on the sofa, as I typed this.

I just hope, that she will recover fully, and quickly.

Because its painful to see your family member like this.

Especially someone that close to you.

Seeing her like this, well, makes me feel not at ease at all.

Bloody hell, today is an emo day.

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Today is the first day of the Prelims. Okay not officially the first day, but it's the start of the dreadful week, where we will be having everything thrown at us except Geography Paper 2, Bio and Chem MCQ next week.

Sorry Ms P.Goh, sorry Ms Ong LH, because I am not really going to concentrate on SS and History anymore.

I rather go for Geography. Ms Zhang here I come.

Anyway today's papers are quite okay. The SS was normal. The maths paper 1 wasn't really difficult, but I think I got a few questions wrong because of carelessness here and there.

Damn the nanometre, damn the complete the square graph, damn the nearest cent, blah.

Especially the complete the square graph. You know, the (x+2)^2 +2 thing.

Initially I subbed y=0, then I realised that if u bring the 2 over, it will be negative, and you cannot square root it.

I didn't thought of subbing values into the equation. I was too rigid in the mind. I kept thinking of switching the 2 over.

And so I stoned at the question for quite a while. Then I tried the general formula. Turns out its also a negative number.

By this time I was quite pissed.

I really couldn't think of how to do.

So, being a smart ass, I wrote beside the empty graph, "unsketchable".

I guess I will have to down 50 when Mr TCW marks my paper.

Anyway over is over and tomorrow is Paper 2. Gotta concentrate.

My mum didn't go to work today because she is going for an operation today. This time is to take out those weird/mutated/strange/funny stuff present in her body.

Suay suay the affected area is at the chest, and so I have to help out with the laundry, cooking, mopping of floor, and practically everything.

These few days I will also cannot stay back and play basketball after the exams. Have to help out at home.

Something has been troubling me these days.

No response. What's with the sudden muteness?

You can do that, but you cannot do this. Why?

I don't know what the hell happened. If I am annoying, tell me. Don't hide.

I don't know if you have a sudden change.

I hope that it isn't as bad as I think. In fact I hope for a best case scenario.

One problem after another. Faaaaaaaantastic. During Prelim period. Greeeeeeeeat.

It doesn't help that I drop tears just thinking of this, late in the night during revision.

If you ever read this, give me a sign.

This seriously sucks. Fuck all this.

「 invaded it on 10:16 PM 」

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay this will be another weird post, about my likes and dislikes.

Back to food.

I don't really like bread.

I can hear some 'omg's in the distance.

I know its very common for us to eat bread everyday, during breakfast, recess, or maybe even supper.

In fact bread can be considered a necessity in our lives.

Since young, eating those white pieces of dough don't really appeal to me.

Whenever my mum buys bread, unless its those kind, 1 for $1.20 bread, I will leave them untouched.

But the thing is, she keeps on buying those in a packet, 6 for 2 dollars or somewhat. And those she bought don't really tastes nice. Some weird fillings like coconut, red bean, SWEET POTATOES (I am using caps not because I am excited, but because I think they taste like shit), kaya and so much more.

Alright coconut is still okay, red bean is nice in the form of ice cream, sweet potatoes...

Argh, I ask the uncle to remove it, along with tapioca whenever I eat buh-buh-cha-cha. Basically I am drinking coconut milk with ice, corn, and some jelly.

I always wonder why can't she buy hotdog buns or whatever that taste nice. Maybe curry I will consider but I have grown sick of that because I kept on eating it during my primary school days. Cheese too.

And the thing is, I also hate wholemeal bread, white bread (or whatever you call it).

During primary school, my mum, like other mums, allowed me to go to the canteen to buy food everyday.

But as the days went by, she realised that the noodles (the food that I always buy during recess), were very unhealthy because the soup was cooked with stock cubes and large amount of MSG.

She claimed that by looking at the soup, she knew what it contained, and she had a mindset whereby everything which tastes nice would surely have large amount of MSG.

Being young, I was innocent and gullible. So I believed her, and she made bread for me to eat during recess.

She would normally put jam, kaya, or butter. No egg, peanut butter, chocolate spread, or whatever.

For the whole of primary one, I was eating bread, everything was just about bread.

Breakfast - bread and powdered milk
Recess - bread
Lunch - (my grandmother cooks)
Tea - bread too. But luckily my mum had gone to work, and she would normally spread some peanut butter for me. Sometimes if I am lucky she will fry me a piece of chicken to go along with the bread.
Dinner - (my grandmother cooks)

So its like 70% of my life revolves around bread.

So during Primary 2 I became smarter. And more evil in fact.

During recess, I will throw away the bread and go and play catching. Sometimes I will save up some money and buy noodles.

Initially I was having so much fun. But soon I became guilty because I feel that I shouldn't let my mum's effort go down the drain. Plus she did it for my own good, she was scared that I would be dropping hair from eating too much MSG.

So I would take a few bites, then throw it away. Alright at least this is an improvement, now I take a few bites.

Sometimes I won't touch the bread at all. I bring it home, and maybe eat it for tea. Or maybe bring it home and throw away.

Sometimes I would keep it in my bag. Until a few days later when my mum dug it out. And she would scold me severely.

But luckily she began to be more open, and its not everyday bread anymore. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays will be bread day, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays I would be allowed to buy food. Which is noodles, for your info.

During Primary 3 I am even more clever. I would bring the bread home, and give it to my brother.

Maybe that's why he ended up like that :(

But I cannot be blamed. Sometime when I was K2, I went home and saw my brother eating paper. Yes, A4 size blank paper.

And by the way, he was smiling at me and eating it at the same time. What a maniac.

Maybe I got so traumatised that whenever I have extra food, I would end up giving it to him. Perhaps if I hadn't done that he would be a slimmer person.

Nowadays, when my mum made bread for breakfast, I will finish halfway, and leave the rest on the table. That is during school days.

During holidays, I will eat the part thats nice, and throw the rest away.

P.S I know I mentioned a lot of "throw it away" or something along that lines, but bear with it.

Like for example, when she cooks egg and ham, I will eat the part of the bread with egg and ham, and I throw the rest away. Which isn't a very big area, compared to last time.

And normally she will also help me by removing the skin. You know, the brown brown thing at the edges of the bread.

Unless its French toast. That's the only kind of food made from white bread, that I actually find it nice.

If the bread isn't to my liking I will just drink milk.

Alright this shall be the end of my food post. I will try and blog other weird habits of me next time.

To finish off, I have decided to post a picture.


To my dearest Wai Kuong, I mean Zhi Kuong, for posting that I suck.

That's my hand by the way ;)

Courtesy from Jiaqi

----------------------------------

Phew my mum came back from Sun Plaza and bought some durian puffs for supper. Luckily its not bread.

Signing off

「 invaded it on 6:34 PM 」

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I am bored.

Anyway I went to buy mixed rice for lunch this afternoon.

The stall was unusually crowded. But that's not the point.

Normally I will add an egg or omelet(a must!), some meat and tofu/potato/mushroom.

Normally I won't order any vegetable.

But today was an exception because they had bitter gourd.

Yes I emphasize BITTER GOURD. That's like one of my favourite types of vegetables.

And so I pointed to the green thing, stir-fried with egg. The person stared at me. I stared back at him.

"苦瓜来的leh," he said.

"对，我要。多一点," I said. He looked at me, face blur blur.

I don't know if you guys like it, but I like the crunchiness, the taste. The bitterness is okay with me, just as long as its not too bitter I should be able to take it.

Bitter gourd stir-fried with egg, is simply heaven.

Some other types which I like, are Kang Kong, 番薯叶, and I think broccoli and cauliflower is okay too.

I hate ladies finger. Difficult to eat and tastes like shit.

Actually I am quite okay with veggies. I know some guys, like Derek and Elias who don't eat any veggies.

Like if you treat Derek some veggie curry with rice, he probably won't eat it since he also don't eat spicy food.

Everyday when my mum returns home from work, she will cook dinner, and one dish will include purely vegetables. Then there will be fish or egg, and a soup. I like soup.

No running away, if I don't want to eat plain rice. I tried to do it when I was young and my mum just dumped the whole lot of vegetable on my plate.

Now I won't eat vegetable if I have the choice. But I can eat it.

What about you?

P.S Personally I think this is a shit post. Maybe I am really too bored and crazy.

「 invaded it on 9:14 PM 」

YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Long time since I blogged, but never mind.

Prelims are coming.

Now if I don't get something to study, I will feel damn weird and insecure. So everyday, I will force myself to get something to read.

I have planned a timetable.

Wake up by 9am
Breakfast, to be finished by 9.30am
Study
Lunch at 1pm, to be finished by 1.45pm
Sleep at 2.30pm
Wake up at 3.30pm
Study
5-6pm free time
Study
Dinner at around 7pm (depends on mother)
Study till around 10.30pm
Slack
12.00am lights out

Fantastic. I know this is great but I don't know if I can keep to it. One day for each subject. Maybe Combined Humans shall be on the same day, since its COMBINED.

My relatives from Malaysia are coming over any time soon, because according to my mum it was Malaysia's National Day today or something.

They might be coming to visit since my mum recently underwent an operation to extract some stuff to test for cancerous cells.

Relax its just a routine test so don't go round saying, "Oh Terence's mum is gonna die, I feel sad for him".

F*** you to whoever says that.

Anyway I did something which I am quite proud of.

Yesterday my mum cooked dinner early, and at around 10pm I was starving as hell.

So I went to cook some noodles. And finished everything by myself.

3 packets of instant noodles for supper. Cool.

I don't find myself getting fat, luckily. Sorry to "Insert-name here".

I remembered, eating half a huge plate of chee cheong fun and a glass of milk for breakfast, mixed rice for lunch, a curry puff, burger and milo for tea, mixed rice for dinner, double cheese burger for supper.

Seriously I must thank god. For letting me not have the side effects of eating too much.

Maybe the jumping and running around in basketbal courts, fields helped.

That time was also the first time that my mum did not cook any meal for the day, excluding the chee cheong fun that is.

Alright, got to go now. Have to study.

I know its kind of no-life, but we have no choice. COME ON :D